


Who Brings Store-Bought Brownies To A Bake Sale?

by acescrewsup, LokiOfTheSilverTongue



Category: Cow Chop (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Parents, Dumb Dads, Dumb Dads To Lovers, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Sex, Helen is a bitch, M/M, PTA au, Single Parents
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-28
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-18 06:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8152231
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/acescrewsup/pseuds/acescrewsup, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiOfTheSilverTongue/pseuds/LokiOfTheSilverTongue
Summary: James can't stand the boring PTA meetings he forces himself to go to, and he can't stand Mr. Marchant even more. He swears it.





	1. Introductions And Helen

                James Wilson takes a deep breath and tries his very best to act like he’s paying attention. The first PTA meeting of the year and this shit is already exhausting. The meetings are every Friday after school, so the children can wait in the auditorium while the parents and teachers butt heads for an hour. James wishes he had a job that would make him miss these things. Unfortunately for James, the local GameStop has pretty lenient hours. It's not even his fault that his mind is wandering, especially when some empty-headed parent is taking way too long to explain how the Kindergarten playground is unsafe.      

                _Whatever_ , James thinks to himself; _your kids probably eat paste. Of course the poor fuck fell off the slide_.

                He snickers quietly, and then quickly bites his tongue when he realizes Empty-Head is now staring at him.

                “Is something funny about my child getting hurt, Mr. Wilson?” She snaps, voice grating and reminding James of his seventh grade science teacher. He had hated that woman. James is about to shake his head and make some pathetic excuse for himself when he feels a hand on his shoulder.

                “He was just laughing at something I said, sorry.” Comes a voice from next to James. When he turns to see who it is, he is immediately confronted with brown eyes and a soft smile. The woman huffs and tells Mystery Man to please pay attention to the meeting. And thus James narrowly escapes public humiliation. Sweet. He nods at Mystery Man and attempts to not space out for the rest of the meeting while Mr. Hundley, the third grade teacher, brings up different points they're supposed to address. Unfortunately, James's mind keeps wandering back to the guy sitting next to him.

                After about 45 minutes that feel more like hours, Mr. Hundley announces that the parents are allowed to leave. When James rises from his seat, he feels someone tap him on the shoulder. Mystery Man is smiling at him again and holding his right hand out. His left hand is nonchalantly in the pocket of his pink khaki shorts.

                “Hey, Mr. Wilson, I’m Mr. Marchant. Well, you can call me Aleksandr, or Aleks, or Mr. Marchant I guess. I’m Joe and Aron’s father.” The man rambles as James hesitantly shakes his hand. He seems friendly enough, if not a little eccentric. Mystery Man, who James now knows is called Aleksandr Marchant, has short brown hair, sleeve tattoos that are showing  because of the rolled up sleeves on his blue button up, a watch on his right wrist, reading glasses resting on the breast pocket of his shirt, and pink lips. James doesn’t know why he notices that last thing. That was probably weird. James knows that Aron is in Trevor’s class. James think Trevor once mentioned Joe being a grade above them.  

                “James,” James says helpfully, running a hand through his tightly curled hair. He should have tied it up for this, but he gets self-conscious about it, “James Wilson… Is my name. I’m Trevor’s dad. I think he’s friends with your kids. Although I thought Aron was…”

“My sons are both adopted, if that’s where this is going. I was adopted too, which is partly why we did it. My wife and I adopted them years ago. When she was still alive.” Mr. Marchant smiles, and there’s only a hint of sadness behind it. James doesn’t know what to say. He feels like now would be a shitty time to mention how Trevor’s mother left them one night, said she was going on a vacation, and never came back.

“I’ll see you at the next meeting.” James says instead. Mr. Marchant, Aleks, grins at him and the corners of his eyes crinkle. Aleksandr smiles a lot. Maybe James could learn to like this guy.

                James learns to hate that guy.

              James learns a lot about Aleksandr after the first meeting. For one, he’s way more immature than James could have prepared for. James can be a fun guy, in fact, he prides himself on his impeccable sense of humor. However, PTA meetings are bad enough without Aleksandr playfully kicking James’s feet under the table. Not to mention the other man is way too handsy. James swears they don’t get five minutes into each following meeting before Aleksandr is touching James in some way; even if it’s just sitting close enough so that their shoulders brush. James is starting to realize why none of the other parents pay that much attention to Mr. Marchant, and regret his decision to do so. The fucker even brings store bought brownies to their first bake sale. James and Trevor put their heart and soul into their mostly ignored lemon bars. Who does this guy think he is? Another thing James learns about Aleksander is how much the guy really loves his kids. For instance, when Joe shows Aleksandr the little drawings he's done at school and Aleks's face genuinely lights up in one of the sweetest smiles that James has ever seen. Aron has a cat named Lucky that Aleksandr got for him because he had worn such an adorable puppy face that his father couldn't resist. Hell, Aleks is even good with Trevor, and that's saying something. James loves his son more than anything, but even he can admit the little gremlin loves to start trouble. 

                He does admit that Aleks can be hilarious sometimes. But only at bad times. Like when someone else is speaking and Aleks leans over and whispers, “Her hair looks like ramen.” Into James’s ear and James can’t help but crack a smile, even when he hisses at Aleks to shut up.

 

               James decides that he has to start avoiding Aleksandr at all costs. Of course Trevor starts hanging out with Aron more. In the true epitome of cause and effect, this means James sees Mr. Marchant more often. Between PTA meetings and their sons bonding James starts to see Aleks about every other day, and it’s entirely his asshole son’s fault. Trevor decides that Aron is his new best friend, based solely off of the fact that they are both eight years old. Aron occasionally even gets off of the school bus at James's apartment, and vice versa with Trevor. This bestfriendship means more playdates. More playdates mean that Aleksandr and James both know where each other live. James’s weakness is that he can’t deny his son anything. Even when giving in leads to things like Aleksandr inviting him in for coffee.

              Aleksandr’s apartment is a bit of a mess. That being said, it feels homey and lived in in a way that's hard for James to describe. He thinks about it sometimes, like when he's tucking Trevor into bed after struggling just to get the kid to agree to lie down for about an hour. James lies in his own bed, stares at the ceiling, and thinks about how weird Aleskandr Marchant is. How nice his family is, even though it's just the three of them. Aron is a good kid, although James tends to pick on him. He's small for his age, not short but thin, gets beat up on the playground (according to Trevor), and loves computers. Joe reminds James more of Aleks. He's short, even for a 4th grader. Joe giggles a lot, is very friendly, but also shy. All three of the Marchants smile often and love video games. James wonders if the boys learned those traits from Aleks, like how Trevor learned his excessive potty mouth and gaming abilities from James.

             

Helen is stirring up trouble in the PTA. Again. James had thought that last year was the last he would see of that devil woman, since her daughter was graduating that year. Apparently, because James can never catch a break, she has another kid entering the school system. Halfway through the year. Because she tried homeschooling and failed.

              _Of course you failed_ , _Helen_ , James thinks, _you’re a stupid asshole_.

              Helen is worse than Aleksandr by a long shot. Not that James likes Aleksandr. Even if they do see each other often, or if Aleksandr asks James in for coffee whenever James goes to pick up Trevor or drop off Joe and Aron, or if James accepts when he has time and they sit and talk and sip instant coffee until Trevor is pulling on James’s sleeve and begging to go home.

              No. He doesn't like him.

              But Helen is much worse. Helen doesn't just buy things for the bake sale, she buys things for the bake sale and pretends she baked them. Helen takes one look at James Wilson: his kinky shoulder-length hair, his beanie, his tattoos, his Overwatch T-shirt, and sticks her nose in the air. It's what she does best. 

              James tries to ignore Helen, just like he did last year. Just like he thinks he'll do every year until his son graduates from this God forsaken place.

              In the present however, they're in the middle of another meeting. James has forgotten that this is Aleksandr's first year in the PTA, and that the other man has never encountered Helen until he mistakenly walks up to her hoping to exchange pleasantries. James doesn't notice quickly enough to stop the poor bastard: he can only watch in absolute horror as Aleks strides over to The Beast and offers her a smile she doesn't return and a hand that she doesn't take.

             "Hey. I'm Aleksandr Marchant." Aleks says casually, ignoring Helen's tight frown and calculating eyes. She looks at the attendance list she's probably stolen from Mr. Hundley. 

             "Why is your name spelled like that?" Helen sneers. Aleks blinks at her. James considers getting out of his seat and interrupting, but decides that the rookie has to learn the hard way. Even Mr. Hundley is choosing to ignore it, chatting with other parents off to side even while he occasionally glances back toward Helen with an expression that is both tired, annoyed, and worried.

             "It's Russian. Well, I'm Russian. Funny story about my name actually, I chose to change it..." Aleksandr is still making an effort to be polite, and it makes James smile a little. Leave it to that idiot to not sense the mood even when 150 lbs of pure c*nt is staring him in the eyes.  Helen stares at him for a moment. 

             "What are you? Like a communist?" She asks, stone-faced. Aleks finally looks back at James, face expressing disbelief as much as indignation. James shrugs at him and motions for him to continue. It's what must be done. Besides, the longer Aleks distracts her, the more time James has to doodle on his 'PTA Expectations' sheet. Aleksandr rolls his eyes at James and turns back to Helen. 

             "No, actually. I'm no-"

             "Where's your wife? Are you here alone?" 

             "My wife is... gone." Aleks breathes. James can barely hear it from where he's sitting. He doesn't know why, but he can feel himself tensing up. The instinct to rescue Aleksandr from that Satan incarnate is getting stronger and James bounces his leg to keep himself from getting involved. 

             "Well that's got to be bad for the kids. They need a mother you know. You can't possibly be raising them correctly by yourself, that's ridiculous. At least you have a girlfriend?" Helen inquires. Her arms are crossed and her head is tilted. James can only see Aleksandr's back, but he notices the way the other man's shoulders get tense. 

             "I have to go." Aleksandr mutters, not looking back as he flees the room. Well, shit. At this point, half the PTA is watching as Aleks disappears into the hallway. 

              _Fuck it_ , James's brain tell him, _let's go_. 

 


	2. Comfort and Discomfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James realizes Aleksandr Marchant, the father of his son's best friends, is his best friend. His best friend then kisses him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR THE POSITIVE FEEDBACK THIS WAS ONLY SUPPOSED TO BE 2 CHAPTERS BUT I'LL KEEP ADDING MORE AS I GET MORE IDEAS <3 :)

James realizes two major things as he’s hauling ass down the hallway of an elementary school after a man he supposedly doesn’t like while he can hear Helen making some snooty comment behind him.

  1. Running like this probably isn’t good for his back.
  2. Aleksandr Marchant is his best friend.



                The latter should have been obvious at this point. James doesn’t exactly have a plethora of people he spends a good amount of time with. That’s just what happens when you have kids. He occasionally has drinks with Brett Hundley, his son’s teacher, but even then James has never really gotten to know Mr. Hundley like he knows Aleksandr.

                For instance, he knows that Aleks has serious trouble making Kraft Mac n’ Cheese and always has James make it for the kids when they hang out. He knows that Aleksandr is secretly responsible for many broken children’s toys because he gets way too passionate with them. He knows that Aleksandr has recently quit smoking and always carries nicotine gum. James also knows, without a doubt, that Aleksandr would help James out if he needed it. Still, the epiphany hits him like a smack in the face.

                _Holy shit he’s my best friend_ , James thinks. He’s just turned a corner and he can see Aleks walking hurriedly down the hallway in front of him. Aleks turns and enters one of the faculty restrooms, and James is about to call out to him that he’s not allowed in there, but thinks better of it. James is already following another adult man around an elementary school and into a bathroom. He shouldn’t try to make a scene.

                James finally gets to the bathroom door, slightly out of breath, and knocks tentatively on the wood. There’s few seconds of silence, the sound of shuffling and then a quiet, “I’m sorry” that James can barely hear.

                “No need to be sorry, man. Helen is a bitch. That was a shitty thing to say.” Is the best James can come up with on the spot like this. There’s a weird ache in his chest and he really just wants Aleks to laugh or make an ass of himself like he usually does when James is around.

                There’s no response.

                “Aleksandr you open this door right now or I’ll break it down.” James hopes he sounds playful and not serious.

                “Good luck, dude, that shit is solid.” Aleksandr says solemnly through the door. He sounds choked up even though he’s saying something ridiculous and James jiggles the handle even though he knows the door is locked.

                “Come on… Please?” James pleads. This earns him a moment of consideration and the click of a lock as the door opens a fraction, revealing Aleksandr’s face. His eyes are red rimmed and shiny and his cheeks are tinted red.

                “Look I’m okay really,” Aleks starts as he opens the door a bit wider and runs a hand over his face, “I was just over-reacting, y’know? No biggie. Look, let’s just get the kids and g-“

                Aleks is cut off by James hugging him, which is a very unusual sensation. It takes a moment to get used to.

                James, meanwhile, is freaking out. He really doesn’t really know what to do, this is as far as his plan went because he couldn’t deal with Aleks being upset anymore so he decided to wrap his arms around him and _hug_ him _and oh God Aleks probably hates me now this is too weird he’s going to run off of course this was too weird,_ James’s brain is yelling at him.

James just realized that Aleks is his best friend, and now he’s going to think James is weird and avoid him. This might as well happen to him.

                James gets a pleasant surprise when Aleks hugs him back, wrapping his slender arms around James’s lower back and squeezing. Aleks rests his head on James’s shoulder and James can feel the heat from Aleks’s body where they’re touching. James should really stop this. They’ve already broken acceptable man-hug time limitations. He should step back.

                They stay like that for a while, until James remembers that they’re missing the meeting and their children are still in the auditorium, so he hesitantly and regretfully pulls back. Which is a huge mistake. Because Aleks’s eyes are staring right into his own now and he swears that there is so much pure emotion in the warm brown of Aleks’s irises that it makes him dizzy.

                It’s a new feeling. Not entirely unpleasant.

                “Aleks, we did just kind of run out of a PTA meeting.” James can’t help but chuckle. The meeting is starting to feel less and less important. Aleks snaps to attention as if he was completely spaced out just looking at James’s face.

                “Yeah,” Aleks takes a deep breathe. James thinks that he’s already looking better, more relaxed. It’s probably the healing properties of the man-hug taking effect. “Yeah we sort of did.”

                “Oh my God, they’ve probably been talking shit since we left.” James groans, running his fingers through his hair.

                “You really think Brett would let them?”

                “I’m pretty sure Brett started most of it, Aleksandr. Come on.” James jokes as he grabs Aleks’s hand. He meant to grab his wrist, but this works. Some totally platonic best friend hand holding is exactly what the doctor ordered. Aleks holds what he can of James’s hand while James has his fingers wrapped around his.

                “Wait… James.” Aleks’s voice is low, like he didn’t really want James to hear him. Or because teachers still might be around. Either or. Aleks gently pulls on James hand until James is face to face with him. They’re staring into each other’s eyes and James tries not to get distracted again. Can’t Aleks see that they’re on a schedule?

                “Wait James wha-“

                James doesn’t even get to finish his sentence before Aleks’s lips are pressing gently against his.

                Aleks is kissing him.

                Aleksandr Marchant is kissing James Wilson on the lips and James isn’t doing anything to stop him.

                Aleks pulls back hurriedly, blushing and looking embarrassed and refusing to look James in the eyes.

                _Holy shit_.

                “Holy shit.” James whispers. He doesn’t mean to whisper, it just sort of happens.

                “I’m sorry,” Aleks voices, starting to look increasingly nervous. He’s taking a step back from James and James reprimands the part of himself that wants to reach out and pull him back. “I’m so sorry, James. Oh my God.”

                James doesn’t know what to say, has no idea what to do. The best he can think of is to look down at his watch and say, “We really have to get the kids.”

                “Right.” Aleks mutters. James thinks he looks a little bit disappointed. A little bit hurt.

                James really can’t deal with the weird things he’s feeling for his very widowed, very manly friend right now.

                But he also can’t let him look like that. Not at James.

                “Hey, Aleks, why don’t you and the boys come over tonight?” James asks, cursing himself. Aleks’s face lightens immediately.

                “I’ll see you there.”


End file.
